So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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