how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
