i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
