My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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