ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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