So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well you can't waste a boner
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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