for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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