final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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