Yo dont text me then not text me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
