Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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