Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
BRING THE BAGELS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
