Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
