is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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