So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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