Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
