So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
BRING THE BAGELS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
