The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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