You don't have asthma, your pregnant
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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