My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
