why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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