That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
