oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
