I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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