I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
