this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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