I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
