Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You're like the curious george of whores
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
