her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
