I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
