A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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