If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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