Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
