I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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