where am i from again
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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