he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
