Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
