I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
