i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
