he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't deserve a penis
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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