this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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