all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Houston, we have a blender
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
