Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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