I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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