Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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