Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
