i think i have herpe
just one?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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