Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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