He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
