I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize