He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
