My sheets look like a crime scene.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
where am i from again
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
