the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Come see our sink grown plant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
