cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
